"Only God can judge me"!
"Oh, so you've never made mistakes"?
"You're not perfect, either".

Ever notice how this is almost always the go - to place of those unwilling to own up to the stupid shit they do? "Only God can judge me". Ooo-kay. I have quite the problem with people who say this. When I hear it, it instantly reminds me of that kid we've all gone to school with. The kid who was disrespectful, disruptive and completely out of control. That kid who had no problem letting faculty and staff know that they "couldn't touch him". Sure, parent/teacher conferences were scheduled, notes were sent home and maybe - just maybe. his parents are going to kick his ass once they get wind of his most recent shenanigans. Who knows? What we do know is that no one can speak to or treat him harshly because he has someone at home whose job it is to discipline him.  So, in the interim, everyone must tiptoe around him while pretending that he isn't making everyone's life miserable.

What I find most problematic about this logic is that there was something that prefaced whatever scrutiny you are currently facing -- something that you did, something that you said. And if you believe that only God can judge you, is it then safe to assume that he will? Is it then safe to further assume that he was not pleased with whatever it was that you said or did to begin with? Did the thought of your god's displeasure (and subsequent judgement) cross your mind while you were doing/saying what you did - or is it that you are of the convenient belief that it absolves you of any real and tangible responsibility? "You can't touch me" is definitely what  I  hear when someone says "Only God can judge me" - after they've been called out.

"Oh, so you've never made mistakes"? Of course I have! I've made like a shit load of mistakes in my life. On a scale of 1 to port - o - potty, I'm at like, "fecal compost heap". Trust me, my hands are not clean! Here's the thing though, there are mistakes, and then there are poor decisions. The only thing(s) that separates the two are age, wisdom (often associated with age), experience and the willingness to see beyond one's self.

Lets say you are driving home from work one night. Both hands are on the wheel, your cell phone is tucked away in the center console, you are going the posted speed limit when, all of a sudden, a deer runs out in front of your car. There is no time to slow down, so you swerve, causing a chain reaction that leaves someone dead. As unfortunate as this is, it is an accident - a horrible mistake. There was nothing you could have consciously done to avoid this outcome. When you woke up that morning and set about your day, there was no way you could have known for certain that a deer would run in front of your car, or that you would swerve, causing an accident that ultimately hurt someone really badly.

A mistake - in my opinion, implies that an outcome had no way of being "predicted". There was little to no reason for you to believe that someone could potentially suffer as a result of your actions. The expectation should be to pick yourself up as best you can, seek forgiveness from those you have offended, forgive yourself,  and lastly, learn from it. Should the same set of circumstances present itself (and it most likely will), you now have the experience to make better choices - thus facilitating a more favorable outcome.

Now let's say you're driving home after meeting with friends for happy hour. You've had a few drinks and prior to heading home, one of your friends offers to give you a ride - but you decline. While on the drive home, you crash into another vehicle, leaving some passengers dead and some seriously hurt. This is anything but a "mistake. No, this - THIS is a poor decision! When we apply for a driver's license, there is a written component and in that written component, we are required to exhibit some understanding of the dangers of driving while impaired. We are all too familiar with those front page images of horrific, fiery car crashes and the accompanying article that describes how the driver was "under the influence".You knew the dangers, had other options, and still you chose to drive impaired.


Everyday, we make decisions that preface highly probable outcomes. Some of these outcomes carry the potential of being unfavorable. Some of these outcomes may bring suffering to those who love us, those that care for us (and in some cases, bring suffering to innocent strangers). Should you know and understand that something could very well happen, yet choose to proceed with whatever makes you happy in that moment, you have proven that you can not see beyond yourself . You are either really dense, or really selfish. People who see no flaw(s) in their decision - making process do not express a genuine desire to make better decisions. I have zero empathy, sympathy or tolerance for people who consistently make decisions based on what makes them happy, despite knowing that someone could get hurt.

If you are one of those people, here is what needs to happen: go to wherever it is you keep your household junk, find the biggest brown paper bag you have, grab a magic marker (spray paint works, too), and a pair of scissors. Cut out 2 holes; one for the right eye and one for the left eye. Now, draw a half circle facing down (where the lips would be). Shake the bag open and put that shit over your head. Wear it every time you make contact with someone. Your coworkers, neighbors - society in general needs to know that you consistently do stupid shit and that some (or most) of that stupid shit poses a threat to others. Society needs to know what it is they're dealing with.

"You're not perfect, either". I certainly am not. No one is. This mode of deflection is almost as problematic to me as the very first. It reminds me of those movies where you see burglars break into a house - then give the dog a steak or some other treat to distract it. It's like "Let me throw something at you in an effort to get you to focus your attention on something else. Never mind the fact that I'm over here fucking up". I believe that most of us realize that we're stuck sharing this space until we've moved on to the next plane of existence (should there be one) - so why not share it harmoniously until then? Why not be willing to see outside of one's self?  Why not seek self improvement however and whenever possible?  Most of us have learned the difference between mistakes and poor decisions. Most of us have found wisdom in pain - whether that pain was thrust upon us by others or if it was pain that we've caused others.

I believe that we are all students of life. With life comes lessons. With life comes experiences. With life comes opportunities. We have very little control over when those lessons come, if those experience(s) will be good or bad, or how often opportunities will present themselves. As students, all we can do is strive to be better students. Take notes, study your experiences. Life can criticize rather harshly, learn to accept it. Should you be a poor student, seek help to become a better one (or not). Should you choose not to, assume full responsibility for this refusal (and for everything that comes with it). Don't deflect. Don't distract. Don't have the expectation of others "accepting you for who you are" when you can't even accept you for you who are!

Until next time, y'all!