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Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Saturday, March 5, 2016
"Only God can judge me"!
"Oh, so you've never made mistakes"?
"You're not perfect, either".
Ever notice how this is almost always the go - to place of those unwilling to own up to the stupid shit they do? "Only God can judge me". Ooo-kay. I have quite the problem with people who say this. When I hear it, it instantly reminds me of that kid we've all gone to school with. The kid who was disrespectful, disruptive and completely out of control. That kid who had no problem letting faculty and staff know that they "couldn't touch him". Sure, parent/teacher conferences were scheduled, notes were sent home and maybe - just maybe. his parents are going to kick his ass once they get wind of his most recent shenanigans. Who knows? What we do know is that no one can speak to or treat him harshly because he has someone at home whose job it is to discipline him. So, in the interim, everyone must tiptoe around him while pretending that he isn't making everyone's life miserable.
What I find most problematic about this logic is that there was something that prefaced whatever scrutiny you are currently facing -- something that you did, something that you said. And if you believe that only God can judge you, is it then safe to assume that he will? Is it then safe to further assume that he was not pleased with whatever it was that you said or did to begin with? Did the thought of your god's displeasure (and subsequent judgement) cross your mind while you were doing/saying what you did - or is it that you are of the convenient belief that it absolves you of any real and tangible responsibility? "You can't touch me" is definitely what I hear when someone says "Only God can judge me" - after they've been called out.
"Oh, so you've never made mistakes"? Of course I have! I've made like a shit load of mistakes in my life. On a scale of 1 to port - o - potty, I'm at like, "fecal compost heap". Trust me, my hands are not clean! Here's the thing though, there are mistakes, and then there are poor decisions. The only thing(s) that separates the two are age, wisdom (often associated with age), experience and the willingness to see beyond one's self.
Lets say you are driving home from work one night. Both hands are on the wheel, your cell phone is tucked away in the center console, you are going the posted speed limit when, all of a sudden, a deer runs out in front of your car. There is no time to slow down, so you swerve, causing a chain reaction that leaves someone dead. As unfortunate as this is, it is an accident - a horrible mistake. There was nothing you could have consciously done to avoid this outcome. When you woke up that morning and set about your day, there was no way you could have known for certain that a deer would run in front of your car, or that you would swerve, causing an accident that ultimately hurt someone really badly.
A mistake - in my opinion, implies that an outcome had no way of being "predicted". There was little to no reason for you to believe that someone could potentially suffer as a result of your actions. The expectation should be to pick yourself up as best you can, seek forgiveness from those you have offended, forgive yourself, and lastly, learn from it. Should the same set of circumstances present itself (and it most likely will), you now have the experience to make better choices - thus facilitating a more favorable outcome.
Now let's say you're driving home after meeting with friends for happy hour. You've had a few drinks and prior to heading home, one of your friends offers to give you a ride - but you decline. While on the drive home, you crash into another vehicle, leaving some passengers dead and some seriously hurt. This is anything but a "mistake. No, this - THIS is a poor decision! When we apply for a driver's license, there is a written component and in that written component, we are required to exhibit some understanding of the dangers of driving while impaired. We are all too familiar with those front page images of horrific, fiery car crashes and the accompanying article that describes how the driver was "under the influence".You knew the dangers, had other options, and still you chose to drive impaired.
Everyday, we make decisions that preface highly probable outcomes. Some of these outcomes carry the potential of being unfavorable. Some of these outcomes may bring suffering to those who love us, those that care for us (and in some cases, bring suffering to innocent strangers). Should you know and understand that something could very well happen, yet choose to proceed with whatever makes you happy in that moment, you have proven that you can not see beyond yourself . You are either really dense, or really selfish. People who see no flaw(s) in their decision - making process do not express a genuine desire to make better decisions. I have zero empathy, sympathy or tolerance for people who consistently make decisions based on what makes them happy, despite knowing that someone could get hurt.
If you are one of those people, here is what needs to happen: go to wherever it is you keep your household junk, find the biggest brown paper bag you have, grab a magic marker (spray paint works, too), and a pair of scissors. Cut out 2 holes; one for the right eye and one for the left eye. Now, draw a half circle facing down (where the lips would be). Shake the bag open and put that shit over your head. Wear it every time you make contact with someone. Your coworkers, neighbors - society in general needs to know that you consistently do stupid shit and that some (or most) of that stupid shit poses a threat to others. Society needs to know what it is they're dealing with.
"You're not perfect, either". I certainly am not. No one is. This mode of deflection is almost as problematic to me as the very first. It reminds me of those movies where you see burglars break into a house - then give the dog a steak or some other treat to distract it. It's like "Let me throw something at you in an effort to get you to focus your attention on something else. Never mind the fact that I'm over here fucking up". I believe that most of us realize that we're stuck sharing this space until we've moved on to the next plane of existence (should there be one) - so why not share it harmoniously until then? Why not be willing to see outside of one's self? Why not seek self improvement however and whenever possible? Most of us have learned the difference between mistakes and poor decisions. Most of us have found wisdom in pain - whether that pain was thrust upon us by others or if it was pain that we've caused others.
I believe that we are all students of life. With life comes lessons. With life comes experiences. With life comes opportunities. We have very little control over when those lessons come, if those experience(s) will be good or bad, or how often opportunities will present themselves. As students, all we can do is strive to be better students. Take notes, study your experiences. Life can criticize rather harshly, learn to accept it. Should you be a poor student, seek help to become a better one (or not). Should you choose not to, assume full responsibility for this refusal (and for everything that comes with it). Don't deflect. Don't distract. Don't have the expectation of others "accepting you for who you are" when you can't even accept you for you who are!
Until next time, y'all!
"Oh, so you've never made mistakes"?
"You're not perfect, either".
Ever notice how this is almost always the go - to place of those unwilling to own up to the stupid shit they do? "Only God can judge me". Ooo-kay. I have quite the problem with people who say this. When I hear it, it instantly reminds me of that kid we've all gone to school with. The kid who was disrespectful, disruptive and completely out of control. That kid who had no problem letting faculty and staff know that they "couldn't touch him". Sure, parent/teacher conferences were scheduled, notes were sent home and maybe - just maybe. his parents are going to kick his ass once they get wind of his most recent shenanigans. Who knows? What we do know is that no one can speak to or treat him harshly because he has someone at home whose job it is to discipline him. So, in the interim, everyone must tiptoe around him while pretending that he isn't making everyone's life miserable.
What I find most problematic about this logic is that there was something that prefaced whatever scrutiny you are currently facing -- something that you did, something that you said. And if you believe that only God can judge you, is it then safe to assume that he will? Is it then safe to further assume that he was not pleased with whatever it was that you said or did to begin with? Did the thought of your god's displeasure (and subsequent judgement) cross your mind while you were doing/saying what you did - or is it that you are of the convenient belief that it absolves you of any real and tangible responsibility? "You can't touch me" is definitely what I hear when someone says "Only God can judge me" - after they've been called out.
"Oh, so you've never made mistakes"? Of course I have! I've made like a shit load of mistakes in my life. On a scale of 1 to port - o - potty, I'm at like, "fecal compost heap". Trust me, my hands are not clean! Here's the thing though, there are mistakes, and then there are poor decisions. The only thing(s) that separates the two are age, wisdom (often associated with age), experience and the willingness to see beyond one's self.
Lets say you are driving home from work one night. Both hands are on the wheel, your cell phone is tucked away in the center console, you are going the posted speed limit when, all of a sudden, a deer runs out in front of your car. There is no time to slow down, so you swerve, causing a chain reaction that leaves someone dead. As unfortunate as this is, it is an accident - a horrible mistake. There was nothing you could have consciously done to avoid this outcome. When you woke up that morning and set about your day, there was no way you could have known for certain that a deer would run in front of your car, or that you would swerve, causing an accident that ultimately hurt someone really badly.
A mistake - in my opinion, implies that an outcome had no way of being "predicted". There was little to no reason for you to believe that someone could potentially suffer as a result of your actions. The expectation should be to pick yourself up as best you can, seek forgiveness from those you have offended, forgive yourself, and lastly, learn from it. Should the same set of circumstances present itself (and it most likely will), you now have the experience to make better choices - thus facilitating a more favorable outcome.
Now let's say you're driving home after meeting with friends for happy hour. You've had a few drinks and prior to heading home, one of your friends offers to give you a ride - but you decline. While on the drive home, you crash into another vehicle, leaving some passengers dead and some seriously hurt. This is anything but a "mistake. No, this - THIS is a poor decision! When we apply for a driver's license, there is a written component and in that written component, we are required to exhibit some understanding of the dangers of driving while impaired. We are all too familiar with those front page images of horrific, fiery car crashes and the accompanying article that describes how the driver was "under the influence".You knew the dangers, had other options, and still you chose to drive impaired.
Everyday, we make decisions that preface highly probable outcomes. Some of these outcomes carry the potential of being unfavorable. Some of these outcomes may bring suffering to those who love us, those that care for us (and in some cases, bring suffering to innocent strangers). Should you know and understand that something could very well happen, yet choose to proceed with whatever makes you happy in that moment, you have proven that you can not see beyond yourself . You are either really dense, or really selfish. People who see no flaw(s) in their decision - making process do not express a genuine desire to make better decisions. I have zero empathy, sympathy or tolerance for people who consistently make decisions based on what makes them happy, despite knowing that someone could get hurt.
If you are one of those people, here is what needs to happen: go to wherever it is you keep your household junk, find the biggest brown paper bag you have, grab a magic marker (spray paint works, too), and a pair of scissors. Cut out 2 holes; one for the right eye and one for the left eye. Now, draw a half circle facing down (where the lips would be). Shake the bag open and put that shit over your head. Wear it every time you make contact with someone. Your coworkers, neighbors - society in general needs to know that you consistently do stupid shit and that some (or most) of that stupid shit poses a threat to others. Society needs to know what it is they're dealing with.
"You're not perfect, either". I certainly am not. No one is. This mode of deflection is almost as problematic to me as the very first. It reminds me of those movies where you see burglars break into a house - then give the dog a steak or some other treat to distract it. It's like "Let me throw something at you in an effort to get you to focus your attention on something else. Never mind the fact that I'm over here fucking up". I believe that most of us realize that we're stuck sharing this space until we've moved on to the next plane of existence (should there be one) - so why not share it harmoniously until then? Why not be willing to see outside of one's self? Why not seek self improvement however and whenever possible? Most of us have learned the difference between mistakes and poor decisions. Most of us have found wisdom in pain - whether that pain was thrust upon us by others or if it was pain that we've caused others.
I believe that we are all students of life. With life comes lessons. With life comes experiences. With life comes opportunities. We have very little control over when those lessons come, if those experience(s) will be good or bad, or how often opportunities will present themselves. As students, all we can do is strive to be better students. Take notes, study your experiences. Life can criticize rather harshly, learn to accept it. Should you be a poor student, seek help to become a better one (or not). Should you choose not to, assume full responsibility for this refusal (and for everything that comes with it). Don't deflect. Don't distract. Don't have the expectation of others "accepting you for who you are" when you can't even accept you for you who are!
Until next time, y'all!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Wow! It's been over 4 years since last I've blogged. 4. Whole. Years. So much has happened in that time, yet it has all flown by -- er, more like knocked me over in the form of a juggernaut; one stuffed to the gills with personal growth, a greater knowledge of self and wisdom. DEFINITELY a shit load of wisdom. I could give a rundown, but I won't. Let's go with a more truncated version, okay?
As that juggernaut barreled in the other direction (after knocking me smooth over, crushing my spine), a little jewel fell from one of its pockets. I picked it up and decided to keep it. It's been with me a while now and I NEVER leave home without it.
Receive and process people (and situations) for who (and what) they are - not for who (or what) you want them to be. Go back and read that again, please. This time, read it aloud. Breathe it in. Exhale. Let it roll off your tongue. What does this mean to you? Let me explain what it means to me and how it has facilitated an abundance of peace in my life.
If you were to tell me, "L.T., I'm a thief. I pick people's pockets whenever I ride the subway. I steal all of the free pens that they leave in the bank lobby - every. single. one. I steal whatever isn't nailed down because I'm a fucking klepto and I've been one for as long as I can remember". Okay, I've mentally processed the fact that you are a thief. I get it. I may not agree with it, but I get it. What's next? Do I launch a diatribe against thievery? Lecture you on how it's just wrong? Pray for you? A combination of all three, perhaps - while hoping one of them works? Fuck no. As much as I wish you weren't "that way", I must accept that this is the reality that has presented itself. I have already received you. I must now process you accordingly.You totally would not be someone I would call on if, let's say, I was headed out of town and needed someone to house sit for me. Why in Gator's last dance would I trust you to not make off with everything I've worked so hard for? I've scratched you off my list of people I can rely on - and in doing so, I get to enjoy my 55' TV, my laptop and a few other treasured items a little while longer. No police reports (or ass kickings) required.
This approach to life, ladies and gents, is how I have attained (and manage to maintain) my zen. I don't approach ANYTHING armed with a fist full of "coulda, woulda, shoulda's". I receive it for exactly what it is/appears to be at the very moment it presents itself. Set aside your heart, emotions (and in some cases, even your religion) for just a second when a new job/friend/relationship presents itself. Examine the facts from a totally cerebral point of view. Strip away every layer. Touch, taste, hear, smell and see it for what it is. Let go of what you "think" or "feel" it should be. There is no worse feeling than that gut punch of accepting a reality in hindsight - after it has cost you something (in some cases, cost you everything). It was more than likely something you couldn't afford to part with.
Til next time, y'all.
L.T.
As that juggernaut barreled in the other direction (after knocking me smooth over, crushing my spine), a little jewel fell from one of its pockets. I picked it up and decided to keep it. It's been with me a while now and I NEVER leave home without it.
Receive and process people (and situations) for who (and what) they are - not for who (or what) you want them to be. Go back and read that again, please. This time, read it aloud. Breathe it in. Exhale. Let it roll off your tongue. What does this mean to you? Let me explain what it means to me and how it has facilitated an abundance of peace in my life.
If you were to tell me, "L.T., I'm a thief. I pick people's pockets whenever I ride the subway. I steal all of the free pens that they leave in the bank lobby - every. single. one. I steal whatever isn't nailed down because I'm a fucking klepto and I've been one for as long as I can remember". Okay, I've mentally processed the fact that you are a thief. I get it. I may not agree with it, but I get it. What's next? Do I launch a diatribe against thievery? Lecture you on how it's just wrong? Pray for you? A combination of all three, perhaps - while hoping one of them works? Fuck no. As much as I wish you weren't "that way", I must accept that this is the reality that has presented itself. I have already received you. I must now process you accordingly.You totally would not be someone I would call on if, let's say, I was headed out of town and needed someone to house sit for me. Why in Gator's last dance would I trust you to not make off with everything I've worked so hard for? I've scratched you off my list of people I can rely on - and in doing so, I get to enjoy my 55' TV, my laptop and a few other treasured items a little while longer. No police reports (or ass kickings) required.
This approach to life, ladies and gents, is how I have attained (and manage to maintain) my zen. I don't approach ANYTHING armed with a fist full of "coulda, woulda, shoulda's". I receive it for exactly what it is/appears to be at the very moment it presents itself. Set aside your heart, emotions (and in some cases, even your religion) for just a second when a new job/friend/relationship presents itself. Examine the facts from a totally cerebral point of view. Strip away every layer. Touch, taste, hear, smell and see it for what it is. Let go of what you "think" or "feel" it should be. There is no worse feeling than that gut punch of accepting a reality in hindsight - after it has cost you something (in some cases, cost you everything). It was more than likely something you couldn't afford to part with.
Til next time, y'all.
L.T.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I can finally admit this
It's official. I absolutely suck at relationships. I am not (nor have I ever been), one of those women who had the wish of falling hopelessly in love, being swept off of my feet and subesquently whisked away to suburbia, never to be seen or heard from again. While I have been in a couple of long term relationships, it was always one of those things that sorta 'just happened'. No real effort. I did not seek high and low for my 'Mr. Right' (because in my mind, he did not exist. Still doesn't). I was that little girl who did not play with Barbie. I wanted to burn she and Ken's domicile to the ground. Barbie was - in my eyes - an unrealistic portrayal of what domestic bliss was. Every little girl I had known at the time loved Barbie, I mean really, really, REALLY loved her and all that she stood for! No one wanted Barbie without Ken. Sure, the Dream House and Corvette were in high demand, but no girl wanted the house if Ken couldn't 'live' in it with Barbie. No girl wanted the Corvette if Ken couldn't ride shot gun. It seemed that all of Barbie's "accomplishments" meant absolutely nothing without Ken by her side. The realist in me scoffed at their whole set up!
I knew in 1st grade (or perhaps even sooner), that relationships would not really be 'my thing'. Perhaps it was due in part to the poor examples that had been set for me. I had grown up around family members who were either single and miserable, married and cheating or in and out of relationships (I had an aunt who had a new 'love of her life' at least 4 times a year). I had never witnessed anyone who was with someone and was truly happy. I resigned myself to the belief that not every soul was placed here to patiently await a mate. I don't think anyone should believe that they've only existed up until a certain point, and that their lives did not truly begin until they'd met a particular person. I believe that we are born as whole beings. Most of us leave the womb equipped with all of the tools that we need to live happy and healthy lives . Any traveling companions that may accompany us on our journey is an added bonus.
For as long as I can remember, I have never been one to share my space with anyone for an extended period of time. Entertaining company is great, but a relationship is sorta like having company that overstays their welcome. Every day. I hate having demands placed on my time. I don't mind spending time with someone that I care deeply about, it just can not be constant. I deplore having my whereabouts questioned. I am a home body to my core. Those who know me best, know where I am when I am not working. Should I decide to step out for a few minutes or a few hours, the last thing I want is to come home to a barrage of questions. One of the biggest perks of the single life is not having to answer to anyone. I don't quite believe that I am ready to relinquish that liberty.
Despite what you are reading, please understand that I am a kind person. I am fair. I am honest. I am compassionate. I am loyal and perfectly capable of love. I simply have yet to encounter that soul who provokes a different train of thought. It could be that he does not exist, or it could be that my refusal to remove my blinders has caused me to miss him. Probably more than once.
Until next time, guys!
I knew in 1st grade (or perhaps even sooner), that relationships would not really be 'my thing'. Perhaps it was due in part to the poor examples that had been set for me. I had grown up around family members who were either single and miserable, married and cheating or in and out of relationships (I had an aunt who had a new 'love of her life' at least 4 times a year). I had never witnessed anyone who was with someone and was truly happy. I resigned myself to the belief that not every soul was placed here to patiently await a mate. I don't think anyone should believe that they've only existed up until a certain point, and that their lives did not truly begin until they'd met a particular person. I believe that we are born as whole beings. Most of us leave the womb equipped with all of the tools that we need to live happy and healthy lives . Any traveling companions that may accompany us on our journey is an added bonus.
For as long as I can remember, I have never been one to share my space with anyone for an extended period of time. Entertaining company is great, but a relationship is sorta like having company that overstays their welcome. Every day. I hate having demands placed on my time. I don't mind spending time with someone that I care deeply about, it just can not be constant. I deplore having my whereabouts questioned. I am a home body to my core. Those who know me best, know where I am when I am not working. Should I decide to step out for a few minutes or a few hours, the last thing I want is to come home to a barrage of questions. One of the biggest perks of the single life is not having to answer to anyone. I don't quite believe that I am ready to relinquish that liberty.
Despite what you are reading, please understand that I am a kind person. I am fair. I am honest. I am compassionate. I am loyal and perfectly capable of love. I simply have yet to encounter that soul who provokes a different train of thought. It could be that he does not exist, or it could be that my refusal to remove my blinders has caused me to miss him. Probably more than once.
Until next time, guys!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
It's all about the energy
I was raised Baptist, attended a Catholic high school for one year, and was Pentecostal for a portion of my adult life. I had always allowed my belief in a 'higher power" to govern my life. I may not have been perfect (nor am I now), but church, faith and prayer had always played integral roles in my day to day. As of late, I have begun to question my belief(s). I won't go into the 'who's', 'what's' and 'why's', as faith in a higher being (or lack thereof), is always quite the touchy subject. The more that I grow as a person, the more I am realizing that I am a spiritual being. What does that mean? You might ask. Well, I guess that once you've peeled away the overlying layers of bullshit, all humans possess an innate spiritual essence. It shines through our eyes, it seeps from our pores. It is so very evident in the way we speak, the way we laugh, the way we interact with one another. With that spirit comes energy. That part of us that never dies because energy never dies.. it is merely transferred from one place to another!
Energy is a manifestation of what is living in our hearts and in our minds. If someone has a dark heart and a closed mind, the energy that they exude is not welcoming. It can not be disguised. Their very aura is dim and their eyes can not hide the bitterness and hate brewing just below the surface. I am attracted to people with bright eyes, bright energy and a welcoming aura. I am very much put off by negative energy, bad vibes frighten me. I look back over my life and I realize that I had allowed people with dark spiritual output to share my space for far too long and in the wrong capacity. Removing said people from my life has given me a sense of peace that can not be described. A lot of past heartache came as a direct result of my biblical belief in 'loving thy neighbor' and 'turning the other cheek'. The analytical part of my being has since taken over and is forcing me to see that I was going about things all wrong. If your Chi is all sorts of fucked up, then I'm sorry, I must keep you at arm's length. I will not pray for you, I will not accept you for who you are. I will make it abundantly clear to you that I have no desire to be in your presence, nor can I have you in mine. Ever.
Questioned beliefs or not, the one thing that is ever increasing (to me), is my awareness of the energy surrounding people. I can feel it in a handshake, I can see it in a smile, I can feel it during the course of a brief conversation. My thirst for positive energy can not make the distinction between Catholic, Jew, Protestant, Christian, Muslim or Atheist. I could not care less how or if a person worships, if their energy is kind, then I have met a true kindred spirit. Yes, it is definitely all about the energy.
Until next time, guys!
Energy is a manifestation of what is living in our hearts and in our minds. If someone has a dark heart and a closed mind, the energy that they exude is not welcoming. It can not be disguised. Their very aura is dim and their eyes can not hide the bitterness and hate brewing just below the surface. I am attracted to people with bright eyes, bright energy and a welcoming aura. I am very much put off by negative energy, bad vibes frighten me. I look back over my life and I realize that I had allowed people with dark spiritual output to share my space for far too long and in the wrong capacity. Removing said people from my life has given me a sense of peace that can not be described. A lot of past heartache came as a direct result of my biblical belief in 'loving thy neighbor' and 'turning the other cheek'. The analytical part of my being has since taken over and is forcing me to see that I was going about things all wrong. If your Chi is all sorts of fucked up, then I'm sorry, I must keep you at arm's length. I will not pray for you, I will not accept you for who you are. I will make it abundantly clear to you that I have no desire to be in your presence, nor can I have you in mine. Ever.
Questioned beliefs or not, the one thing that is ever increasing (to me), is my awareness of the energy surrounding people. I can feel it in a handshake, I can see it in a smile, I can feel it during the course of a brief conversation. My thirst for positive energy can not make the distinction between Catholic, Jew, Protestant, Christian, Muslim or Atheist. I could not care less how or if a person worships, if their energy is kind, then I have met a true kindred spirit. Yes, it is definitely all about the energy.
Until next time, guys!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Forever a fan of the little things
I'm not sure HOW..or when..or even WHY some people may have gotten this ill conceived notion that I am a difficult person. That I am hard to please. That I am complex. I am so far removed from the aforementioned! Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a fairly simple person. Do I have somewhat expensive tastes when it comes to certain things? YES! But that makes me no different from most women. I turn my nose up at cheap perfume, cheap lip gloss, Payless shoes, and off brand products (of ANY kind). Does that make me a 'diva'? I say not! Anyone who enjoys the finer things, need not feel ashamed. Designer hand bags, $80 perfumes and $30 lip glosses aside, I am still - at my core - a simple being.
Nothing makes me happier than a good movie and a good glass of red wine. Dinner with friends. Reading a good book or article while sipping a cup of coffee. Laying in bed atop freshly washed linens while texting. Music (any kind). Meeting a special someone for dinner and discussing the world from a corner booth (I also don't mind taking turns picking up the check). I like laughter (both giving and receiving). And lastly, what makes my heart smile the absolute most is having a mental connection with someone who is willing to appreciate, respect and honor me for all that I am.
Until tomorrow, lots of love and light.
Nothing makes me happier than a good movie and a good glass of red wine. Dinner with friends. Reading a good book or article while sipping a cup of coffee. Laying in bed atop freshly washed linens while texting. Music (any kind). Meeting a special someone for dinner and discussing the world from a corner booth (I also don't mind taking turns picking up the check). I like laughter (both giving and receiving). And lastly, what makes my heart smile the absolute most is having a mental connection with someone who is willing to appreciate, respect and honor me for all that I am.
Until tomorrow, lots of love and light.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Not a fan of fanfare
Epiphany # 2: I'm not a fan of attention. I hate being made a fuss over. I deplore the thought of too many eyes on me at one time. The older I become, the more private I grow. Well, 'private' is an understatement, I'm down right elusive. I have vivid (albeit unpleasant) memories of my days as a gifted and talented student (yes, not too long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there existed children who were labeled 'gifted & talented'). Students such as myself were placed in accelerated courses and while teachers sang our praises, we were often taunted and mocked by other children.
I also remember entering Kindergarten reading on a second grade level. I saw this as not so much a big deal, but once my teacher (Mrs. McGrogan, gosh I'll never forget her) realized this, I remember her calling a bunch of other teachers into the room, giving me a bunch of crap to read, and the lot of them 'ooohing' and 'ahhhing' over my academic prowess. I was not proud. I did not feel validated. I was not overcome with a sense of accomplishment. I resented each and every one of them. Reading was my safe haven. It was my round trip ticket to paradise and I traveled there alone. These adults were stowaways. How dare they invade my world!
Both my childhood and adulthood were (and sometimes still are), filled with similar scenarios. Anything that I may accomplish is done merely for my own satisfaction. I've done things that give me a sense of purpose and never to gain an audience. I am far from shy. I challenge you to find a single being who could call me introverted with a straight face. I am not afraid to face the world each day, but I do my best work while in the presence of my own circle of friends and family.
I am witty, charismatic and won't hesitate to provide the gift of laughter when it is most needed. But again, only to a small audience. I've had so many friends tell me that I should try my hand at stand up comedy. My response: "No, that isn't for me". Why? Well, that would involve inviting too many sets of strange eyes, attached to strange faces, into my world.
I have never had aspirations to be rich and famous..no, scratch that..I wouldn't mind being rich, it's the famous part that gives me pause. If ever I fell ass backward into a windfall, a portion of it would be used to purchase a home in the middle of nowhere. I would spend whatever time I have left in this Universe in that home, still doing randomly awesome things, but out of anyone's watchful and strange eyes. Obscurity is, at times an underrated concept.
Until next time, guys.
I also remember entering Kindergarten reading on a second grade level. I saw this as not so much a big deal, but once my teacher (Mrs. McGrogan, gosh I'll never forget her) realized this, I remember her calling a bunch of other teachers into the room, giving me a bunch of crap to read, and the lot of them 'ooohing' and 'ahhhing' over my academic prowess. I was not proud. I did not feel validated. I was not overcome with a sense of accomplishment. I resented each and every one of them. Reading was my safe haven. It was my round trip ticket to paradise and I traveled there alone. These adults were stowaways. How dare they invade my world!
Both my childhood and adulthood were (and sometimes still are), filled with similar scenarios. Anything that I may accomplish is done merely for my own satisfaction. I've done things that give me a sense of purpose and never to gain an audience. I am far from shy. I challenge you to find a single being who could call me introverted with a straight face. I am not afraid to face the world each day, but I do my best work while in the presence of my own circle of friends and family.
I am witty, charismatic and won't hesitate to provide the gift of laughter when it is most needed. But again, only to a small audience. I've had so many friends tell me that I should try my hand at stand up comedy. My response: "No, that isn't for me". Why? Well, that would involve inviting too many sets of strange eyes, attached to strange faces, into my world.
I have never had aspirations to be rich and famous..no, scratch that..I wouldn't mind being rich, it's the famous part that gives me pause. If ever I fell ass backward into a windfall, a portion of it would be used to purchase a home in the middle of nowhere. I would spend whatever time I have left in this Universe in that home, still doing randomly awesome things, but out of anyone's watchful and strange eyes. Obscurity is, at times an underrated concept.
Until next time, guys.
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