It's official. I absolutely suck at relationships. I am not (nor have I ever been), one of those women who had the wish of falling hopelessly in love, being swept off of my feet and subesquently whisked away to suburbia, never to be seen or heard from again. While I have been in a couple of long term relationships, it was always one of those things that sorta 'just happened'. No real effort. I did not seek high and low for my 'Mr. Right' (because in my mind, he did not exist. Still doesn't). I was that little girl who did not play with Barbie. I wanted to burn she and Ken's domicile to the ground. Barbie was - in my eyes - an unrealistic portrayal of what domestic bliss was. Every little girl I had known at the time loved Barbie, I mean really, really, REALLY loved her and all that she stood for! No one wanted Barbie without Ken. Sure, the Dream House and Corvette were in high demand, but no girl wanted the house if Ken couldn't 'live' in it with Barbie. No girl wanted the Corvette if Ken couldn't ride shot gun. It seemed that all of Barbie's "accomplishments" meant absolutely nothing without Ken by her side. The realist in me scoffed at their whole set up!
I knew in 1st grade (or perhaps even sooner), that relationships would not really be 'my thing'. Perhaps it was due in part to the poor examples that had been set for me. I had grown up around family members who were either single and miserable, married and cheating or in and out of relationships (I had an aunt who had a new 'love of her life' at least 4 times a year). I had never witnessed anyone who was with someone and was truly happy. I resigned myself to the belief that not every soul was placed here to patiently await a mate. I don't think anyone should believe that they've only existed up until a certain point, and that their lives did not truly begin until they'd met a particular person. I believe that we are born as whole beings. Most of us leave the womb equipped with all of the tools that we need to live happy and healthy lives . Any traveling companions that may accompany us on our journey is an added bonus.
For as long as I can remember, I have never been one to share my space with anyone for an extended period of time. Entertaining company is great, but a relationship is sorta like having company that overstays their welcome. Every day. I hate having demands placed on my time. I don't mind spending time with someone that I care deeply about, it just can not be constant. I deplore having my whereabouts questioned. I am a home body to my core. Those who know me best, know where I am when I am not working. Should I decide to step out for a few minutes or a few hours, the last thing I want is to come home to a barrage of questions. One of the biggest perks of the single life is not having to answer to anyone. I don't quite believe that I am ready to relinquish that liberty.
Despite what you are reading, please understand that I am a kind person. I am fair. I am honest. I am compassionate. I am loyal and perfectly capable of love. I simply have yet to encounter that soul who provokes a different train of thought. It could be that he does not exist, or it could be that my refusal to remove my blinders has caused me to miss him. Probably more than once.
Until next time, guys!
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